Being yourself

Cheering each other on

Listen to the Older, Wiser You

Saturday, August 6th, 2011

Man I’ve had a crazy month. Traveling through Costa Rica, finishing my second book, spending a week with my parents visiting from the East Coast, writing some new magazine stories, dealing with some personal stuff…I’m sorry I haven’t had time to squeeze in posting on here! But I found something online I loved so much, I couldn’t help but get back in the blogging game to post it for you here.

Take a look at the letter one person wrote to their younger self:

I stumbled across it on, oh yeah, StumbleUpon. (Um, hello, did you know they have an App now? It’s awesome.) This quote is from the site Dear Young Me that’s also on Twitter (@DearYoungMe). The gist? People submit notes they want to write to their younger selves, full of the advice they wish they’d known then.

I love this particular letter because it’s something I wish I told myself, too! When I graduated from college, some of my friends were already planning their weddings. Four years later, another batch of gals got married. And with every wedding, the “singles table” got smaller—but I was always sitting there, without fail, wondering when my time would come. I kept worrying: Why aren’t I getting married like everyone else? What’s taking my love so long to come?

Well, now that I’ve found my half-orange, I know the answers. I know why I wasn’t getting married back then: Nothing was as good then as it is with Gus! And I know what took my love so long: He and I both had to grow into the people we are today, who could appreciate and love one another for who we were, fully formed, confident and happy.

Don’t worry about everyone else’s timeline! Suck it up, shell out money for their wedding presents, and sit back with confidence. Know that your love will come when it’s good and ready, so you may as well enjoy the singles table at their weddings. Make the most of it! Live up these weeks and years, because you won’t be single forever. And when you’re finally hitched, you’ll want to write a letter to your younger self begging that you appreciate what you have right now.

Browse through Dear Young Me for more inspiration. My advice:

1. Write your own letter to your dearest younger you so you can see how far you’ve come in life and love. I mean, really, look what you’ve learned! Look at the people you know well enough not to date anymore. Look at the lessons you’ve learned about yourself, about what you like, appreciate, can tolerate. And…

2. Really listen to those who have lessons to pass on from an older, wiser place. Sometimes it’s best to learn our own lessons in life. But sometimes, hearing what someone who’s been through it has to say can really help.

Think of what you’d tell your younger self. Then, listen to the older, wiser you. And take your own advice!

You might also like:
Letters to Your Future Husband

Big love,

Posted in Being yourself, It is written | 5 Comments »

The Apple Tree Dating Theory

Thursday, April 7th, 2011

I found this cute image on StumbleUpon, which I’ve finally stumbled upon as a fabulous way to procrastinate. And the story it tells is a great way to look at why, perhaps, you’re not yet being chosen by the people you like. Consider it the Apple Tree Dating Theory. And while it’s written about girls who like boys, I think this is true of anyone in dating—men or women—and whoever it is they seek to date—men or women. You’re quality, people.

Now, I don’t know who made it, but I got it from this StumbleUpon link if you want to check it out.

Like the image says, you’re amazing. And you will be picked by the right one who’d brave enough to make the climb.

You might also like:
The Complete Love Strategy

Big love,

Tags: amazing, dating, frustrating, getting hurt, single
Posted in Being yourself | 2 Comments »

Want Some “Be Yourself” Inspiration? This is IT.

Friday, April 1st, 2011

The other night, I met some girlfriends at the Nuart Theater in L.A. to see the film Bill Cunningham New York. My fashion-minded friend Kerry suggested the idea, and God bless her for it. It’s amazing. Run, don’t walk, to try to find it at a theater near you. And if you can’t, put it on your Netflix wish list today.

Bill Cunningham is the photographer who shoots and compiles the On the Street page for The New York Times Style section each week as well as “Evening Hours.” And if you don’t know him (as I didn’t), well, he’s not who you’d expect to be on the pulse of fashion trends.

Bill is 80 years old (or just past that), spent the last few decades of his life living in a small box of a studio room at Carnegie hall with the bathroom in the hallway, and rides his bicycle through New York to capture what he sees. The reason I loved this film so much wasn’t in the fashion, it was in the heart of Bill Cunningham. He’s the rare breed of a person full of heart, truth, passion for his life and work, and a truly honest and good soul. I cried a few times in the film not because anything sad happened, but because I was moved by how good a person he was.

How will seeing this film help your dating life? It’s a call to live your life as your authentic self. If you want to live in a box, do it. If you want to ride a bike to work, do it. If you want to wear a blue jacket every day for the rest of your life, do it. And if you want to be like Bill’s favorite subjects who wear purple feathers and polka dot suits and show-stopping hats for a stroll down the street, do it. Be who you are, follow your passions, and live your life as only you can. If you want to go for breakfast on a date instead of a dinner, do it. If you want to order dessert for an appetizer, do it. If you want to skip away from a good date as happy as can be, do it. And if you’re on a date with an obnoxious cad and you want to get up from your stool and say, “You know what? It’s been an experience meeting you, but I have some friends to go see,” do that, too.

Bill lives life his own quirky wonderful way, spending his days and nights celebrating true authenticity. He finds beauty in being yourself. As he said in a speech at a gala given in his honor in France:

“It’s the same today as it ever was. He who seeks beauty will find it.”

Go see Bill Cunningham New York and let it inspire you, too.

Big love,

Posted in Being yourself | No Comments »

Two Surprisingly Simple Vogue Dating Tips

Tuesday, March 29th, 2011

It was a happy day in our household this week. Why? We just got Apple TV so we could easily watch our streaming Netflix on the big screen. Huh. Guess our 1000 cable channels, On Demand options, Netflix DVDs and the 1 Terabyte hard drive full of movies and TV episodes Gustavo’s friend Mike gave us wasn’t enough to watch. In any case, it’s already paying off.

Dating advice from this documentary? Who knew?

I finally got to see The September Issue, which has been on my “to see” list for a year now. You know the film, right? It’s the documentary about the making of Vogue magazine’s September 2007 issue. It follows all the major players, including editor in chief Anna Wintour and creative director Grace Coddington. And I was so taken by the talents and attitude of Grace that I wanted to share two things she said in the film that can help you in your love journey as a dating optimist. Your two very Vogue tips for love:

1. Embrace being a romantic!

When Grace was in Paris for work, she took a side trip to the Palace of Versailles. As she looked out into the garden, she quietly took in the view and said this:

“It’s beautiful. I think I got left behind somewhere because I’m, you know, still a romantic.”

I meet so many people—women especially—who scoff at the word “romantic.” Heck, I was one of those women. I used to say I didn’t want cliché flowers and dinners on Valentine’s Day, that I didn’t want a nice engagement ring, that I wasn’t about holding hands and using nicknames and showing PDA and other ooey gooey love stuff. But now that I’m with my half-orange, I’ve realized something: Believing “romantic” doesn’t mean you embrace Hallmark cards and candlelight dinners. It means you’re open to life and open to love. I think the more “romantic” you are in life, the greater your opportunity to have love.

How can you be a romantic in life? Believe in hope, believe that there is vulnerability and love in all of us and that bad situations can be handled by shifting our perspective and embracing the good within it. Believe in quiet moments where you listen to birds chirp and smell fresh cut grass and feel the wind on your face. Believe that even a bad date can be salvaged by finding what’s worthy or interesting or hilarious about the person you’re with or the situation you’re in. And believe that you—that we all—deserve a great love in life, a teammate to travel the journeys of life with. Be a romantic. Find what’s beautiful at the Palace of Versailles or the view from your own front door, and be open to the beautiful experiences life has to offer.

2. Forget about perfect—we’re meant to be different!

After Grace styled a “color blocking” fashion shoot that featured a profile shot of the documentary cameraman Bob, Anna Wintour apparently looked at his little belly in the printout of the shot and joked to him that he needed to go to the gym. When Bob told Grace this, she scoffed. This is what she said:

“Personally, I think it’s better that you’re not, like, skinny skinny. I really do. To me, it much more makes the point that you’re real people and not models. Everybody isn’t perfect in this world. I mean, it’s enough that the models are perfect. You don’t need to go to the gym.”

There again, Grace nails it. There’s enough “perfect” out there with all the Photoshopped ads, plastic-surgery pumped up people, and graphically enhanced characters we’re faced with every day. Our aim in life shouldn’t be to mimic that. We’re all different and we’re all meant to be different.

So if you find yourself grumbling about some physical aspect of yourself that you worry no one will love (that mole, those toes, that crooked tooth) remember that your half-orange isn’t looking for a picture of perfection. Your half-orange is looking for a fun, fabulous life-affirming love. With you. Yes, stay healthy, live your best life. But you don’t need to work off or Photoshop out every “flaw” you think you have. Your half-orange is going to love you just the way you are.

You might also like:
Love Yourself Big C Style

Big love,

Posted in At the movies, Being yourself | No Comments »

4 Tips For Taking Your Happiest Half-Orange Photo!

Wednesday, December 1st, 2010

I came across a great little story in Psychology Today about a survey done by OKCupid.com. And it inspired me to share some thoughts on taking great photos for your online or Facebook pages that will help show you in your best light.

Use your picture to your authentic advantage!

For the survey, OKCupid asked millions of users to rate other people’s attractiveness based on their photos, and then analyzed the settings of the cameras of the photos themselves. How cool is that, right? Which means that armed with information on things like what time of day the pics were shot and with which lens, etc., they noticed some trends.

Here’s my take on some of what they found as well as my own thoughts: overall, four great tips to taking a photo that will help attract your half-orange.

1. Take photos in late afternoon sun or early evening twilight. Psychology Today notes that the lighting at that time of is more flattering, and it’s true: it creates soft shadows which creates more a slimming effect. It’s different than the harsh shadows created by bright sunshine. If you want to take a photo on a bright sunny day, just try doing it in a soft shadow of a tree or patio umbrella to create softer shadows.

Me (far right) with my gorgeous girlfriends. I took this from that "slightly-above angle."

2. Take the photos from a slightly-above angle. This is a tip of mine that works every time. Now, I don’t mean holding the camera above your head, but if you have your friend hold the camera at, say, their forehead level and tip it down toward you…hello gorgeous! It creates a slimming chin definition that takes away those double chins and hating your neck like Nora Ephron does. And there’s something about how your eyes end up looking slightly up at the lens rather than straight on—kind of adorge. I do this with all my shots of my friends, and I’ve been crowned the “staff photographer” for the flattering pics we get because of it. That picture (at left) is a perfect example.

3. Post a happy late-night photo. The OKCupid study found that late-night photos got stellar ratings from viewers. They couldn’t pinpoint exactly why that is, but consider the fact that many late-night photos are taken either with or when you’re among friends, which puts you in exactly the state of mind you want to be in with your half-orange. And, sure, sometimes you’re a cocktail or two into a night, which relaxes you more and probably brings out a much more natural smile—and as I talk about in Meeting Your Half-Orange, it’s that natural smile, the one that makes the corners of your eyes crinkle up, which feeds information to your emotional brain that you are truly happy, which affects the energy in and around you. And that stuff gets picked up in a photo, boy. So consider that: If you are trying too hard to get a flattering photo in the daytime, get someone to take a snap of you at night.

4. Be real. The three tips on taking a good photo are all about planning or altering the angle of the shot so you look your best. But even then, a photo won’t mean squat if it isn’t reflecting the real you. The way I see it, a fake-ish photo is not only setting you up for disappointment (because you may be disappointing your date if you’re not really the person you sold yourself to be), but it also isn’t building you up in the right way. You should be proud of yourself for who you are, not who you wish you were. If you don’t ski, for example, posting five shots of that one trip you rode on the ski lift three years ago isn’t so straight up, is it? And if you have a few smile lines or wear glasses, posting the one shot of you that’s kind of far off at that fancy event where you once wore contacts with your friend cut off at your side…again, that’s not the real you, is it? If your potential dates don’t like you for who you really are—your likes, your dislikes, your desire to have kids, your freckles and glasses—then you don’t want to be dating them anyway!

So post the most flattering shot you can of the real you in a happy state of mind, and you’ll be one step closer to your half-orange seeing you for the awesome partner you plan to be.

You might also like:
Real Love is Not a Catalog Shoot