I’m still sad about the end of Lost. And since, all these days later, I still can’t stop choking up when I think about it, I thought I’d give one final thank you to the show for leaving us with something so powerful to think about. In short, these two words, which can provide a world of peace to all of us: Let go.

Jack was holding it all in. Are you?

Yes, there were many threads left hanging following the finale (in fact, College Humor .com did a hilarious video about the Unanswered Lost Questions). Reviewer Tim Goodman put it this way in The San Francisco Chronicle: “As a series finale it overjoyed the heart and annoyed the brain.” So well said.

What I choose to take from the show is, of course, that big “heart” part. And what I choose to remember are the calm, knowing smiles on the faces of our favorite Lost characters as they sat in the church and went so happily into the light.

For those who didn’t follow the show, the finale revealed that a “sideways” alternate universe on the show was basically Jack’s purgatory. And within it, it was each Lost character’s path to come to their own moving revelation of who they’d been to one another and where they were meant to be. The most moving of these moments, in my opinion, was when Sun and Jin’s understanding settled in while she was getting her ultrasound. (Of course, give me Sun and that “cry now!” Lost music and I’m a goner).

The minute each character recognized their past life, their match, their purpose, you could see the calmness on their faces, feel it coming from their souls: They’d let go. They were giving in to their future. Jack was the last one to figure it out. And when Kate held his face in her hands to welcome him to their destiny, you could see how hard he was fighting it, how unready he was to accept the truth. But when we saw how happy Kate was about it, we knew he’d be in so much more peace if he’d just let go.

So it made me think: What can each of us let go of? In dating, if you’re single, I ask you this:

Can you let go of a past that has hurt you? A past that may have caused you to put your guard up and keep it that way? Let go. The next single man or woman who smiles at you, don’t assume they’re out to hurt you or use you. Let go. Let people in.

Can you let go of the perfect picture you have of your future mate? The image you’ve formed of what he or she looks like, how tall they are, what job they have? Let go. The next person you meet in a romantic way, look into their eyes and heart instead of at their clothes. Let go. See how you feel when you’re with them.

Can you let go of the panic that you might end up alone, forever? That stress you’re holding in your body, that worry you carry in your face? Let go. Give a nod to the universe that what is best for your love life will come as it should. Let go. Your other half is out there and will come your way when you are both ready for one another.

Me, I’m going to keep thinking about what I need to let go of in my life, too. Perhaps I need to let go of my quest for perfection that holds me back with fear when I think I can’t live up to it. Perhaps I can let go of being my own worst critic both physically and emotionally.

Letting go is a step to your happiness.

My point is, we all have things we can let go of. By doing so, by letting go, we’ll all feel lighter, calmer, happier and so much more at peace. If you watch the show, think of the looks on the faces of those Lost characters—how calm and content they were to know that they were just where they were supposed to be. With love and others in their lives. At total peace.

We need to give ourselves up to this world that wants the best for us. Loosen your grip, pay attention, accept what’s meant to be yours. Let go.

Tell me: What do you want to let go of? And how will this help you if you do?

Big love,

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Get Un-Lost: Nothing’s Irreversible
Head-to-Head: LOST vs. MYHO (Meeting Your Half-Orange)

And…if you still have a little Lost fever, watch the Jimmy Kimmel Aloha to Lost episode. And, thanks to my husband, I’m now a fan of The Sports Guy Bill Simmons, who did this podcast, The B.S. Report 5/24, all about the finale.

Locke: What can you change in your heart?

At the end of last season, we saw Juliet banging a hydrogen bomb meant to, well, flash the group through time. If it worked, then the plane that originally crashed them onto the island in the first place? It wouldn’t crash this time; it would land safely in L.A. It would reverse the entire island experience and reset them back to a normal life. Me being the terrible decision maker that I am (I can whittle options down, but I’m terrible at making a choice), I couldn’t decide which result I wanted to see. Did I want it to work or didn’t I? Well, God bless the Lost writers for giving us both. Like a Sliding Doors of airplane crashes, we get to see what would have happened if it did work, and if it didn’t.

Why am I telling you all this? Because of the greater message this gives us about life and love and dating. It’s a theme that was captured in a scene late in the episode when the “didn’t crash” versions of Jack and John Locke end up in the baggage claim room. Jack sees that John Locke is in a wheelchair, and says this:

Jack: Mind if I ask what happened to you? I’m sorry…I’m only asking because I’m a spinal surgeon. I didn’t mean to…

John Locke: Oh no, don’t worry about it. Uh, surgery isn’t going to do anything to help me. My condition is irreversible.

Jack: Nothing’s irreversible.

He then hands John Locke his business card and offers a free consult. What a cool idea for the show and what a powerful idea when it comes to love. I’ve had women and men tell me they feel as injured as Locke about love in so many different ways: “It’s too late for love,” they’ll tell me. Or “I’m never going to find anyone,” “I’m too messed up,” “I’m too set in my ways,” “I have trust issues,” or “I don’t think I’m meant to have a relationship.” They’re doing what Locke is: giving up and giving into it, because they feel no one can change their irreversible “condition.”

But I’m with Jack: Nothing is irreversible. Not in love, anyway. If you choose to spend your days focused on what’s happened to you or what’s been said to you or how you’ve been hurt in the past, well then, sure, of course it feels like you’ll never get out of that wheelchair and on your feet again in love. Instead, if you want love, face forward and see your singleness for the reversible condition it is. 

Believe me when I say this: No matter what has happened to you in your life, nothing in your heart and mind is irreversible. If you want to be in a healthy, happy, fulfilling relationship, you can be—just as much as anyone else. You can get your legs back in love—just as soon as you start believing you can.

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Big love,

I mean, clearly the book means more to me personally, as I’m really proud of creating a book that can guide people toward one of the most wonderful things in the world: love. But on Tuesday night at 8 p.m.? Yeah, I’ll be tuned into ABC with a big bowl of popcorn to watch Lost.

The fact is, they’re both wonderful additions to the world and, believe it or not, have very similar gifts to offer. Which is why I’m putting Lost and my book head to head to see who comes out on top. Here, the battle begins:

LOST vs. MYHO (Meeting Your Half-Orange)

The survival

In LOST . . . we’ve watched the effects of flight Oceanic 815 crashing and burning that completely changed the lives of those who survived.

In MYHO . . . we’ve all had crash and burns in love, and we’ve survived and changed for the better.

The Winner: LOST

The mysteries

In LOST . . . we’ve learned about an island in the South Pacific, rife with powers that The Dharma Initiative was trying to understand. Their conclusion? Electromagnetism moved the island and can change the destiny of humanity.

In MYHO . . . you’ll learn about powers within yourself that neuroscientists have come to understand—that by changing your thoughts, you can change your brain and what you attract in your love life. My conclusion? Otimistic magnetism will move you toward the right relationship. 

The Winner: MYHO

The miracles

In LOST . . .  John Locke learned to walk again and Hurley knows what it feels like to really be in love with someone. Awww, Hurley.

In MYHO . . . everyone gets their love-legs back and learns to really be in love with someone. 

The Winner: LOST

The insights

In LOST . . . you’ve gotten to see flashbacks and flash forwards, showing us what’s coming next.

In MYHO . . . you’ll learn how to use flash forwards in your favor: By visualizing yourself in the most adoring, awesome, weak-in-the-knees relationship, you’ll create the feelings that will ultimately lead you into that very relationship. 

The Winner: MYHO

The love stories

In LOST . . . we’ve been able to watch the wildly adorable Jack and kick-ass Kate navigate their complicated attraction, while other couples grow closer from Sawyer and Juliette to Jin and Sun, Desmond and Penny, and the ever-adorable Rose and Bernard. (And for the record, if Jack and Kate don’t end up together at the end of this series, I’m going to sob myself to sleep. Call it a cliché ending if you want, I call it a happy one!)

In MYHO . . . you get to read about dozens of real kick-ass women and guys who found their other halves by being positive, optimistic and utterly determined that they would. And by the time you finish reading it, your happy ending will be on the way.

The Winner: MYHO

The cost

In LOST . . . the two-part pilot episode of the groundbreaking was reportedly the most expensive in ABC history, costing between $10 million and $14 million dollars!

In MYHO . . . the groundbreaking book costs only $15.61 if you order it now on Amazon.com.

The Winner: MYHO

The hope

In LOST . . . characters die and come back to life. Richard never ages. Jacob maybe lives forever, and hydrogen bombs may not be the end of everyone, but a whole new beginning for all the Lost characters.

In MYHO . . . you learn that the same miracles can happen. Your heart can come back to life. And the frustration and disappointment and difficulty you’ve been through in your dating life until now is not the end of a search for love—it’s a whole new beginning for you to find your other half. Your half-orange.

The Winner: MYHO

So, it was a tense battle with two worthy opponents. But the clear WINNER of the head to head is . . . drumroll please . . .  MYHO: Meeting Your Half-Orange! (Phew, that would have been embarrassing if I, uh, lost.) For more information on the book, go to: Meeting Your Half-Orange.com

Big love and I really do hope you buy the book—and love it so much, you pass the word on!

Cheech Marin is big on high hope

Little Hugo knew the car couldn’t start. “It’s stupid,” he said. “Without a new carburetor, it’s not gonna work.” This is what Cheech said:

“Having hope is never stupid. You gotta believe good things will happen, and then they will. Understand what I’m saying? In this world, son, you gotta make your own luck. Alright?”

Unfortunately for little Hugo in the show, the father then took off on a motorcycle, not to be seen or heard from again for 17 years. But hey, that’s the worst case scenario. And it’s TV. You on the other hand, have a chance to get so much more out of this Lost lesson.

Take those words in. Really think about them for a minute. They are, in a sense, what my book Meeting Your Half-Orange is based on. It’s based on the essence of hope: how we’ve all been trained by hurt and disappointment to believe that it’s easier to just give up and stop hoping; we think that if we don’t hope, the disappointments will hurt less. But the fact is, if you look at your future as a road full of bad things to be survived, that’s all you’ll see. You must, as Cheech says, “You gotta believe good things will happen and then they will.”

If you look for the negative, you’ll find it. You’ll attract it. But if you look for the positive, you’ll find that and attract that. Hope is never stupid. Embrace your lost optimism and watch the world start bringing you good stuff again.

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Big love,