If you’re having a dull day (Mondays, can you hear us?) or a string of bad dates, retail therapy—and by that I mean 75% off retail therapy—can work wonders.

And if shoes are your thing, you deserve to look and feel your well-heeled hottest. (To you guys, I do realize high heels are probably not your thing, but they look so cute in a picture, don’t they?) Whatever your pedate passion, let me ask you a bigger question about your next shoe-shopping trip: Are you buying shoes for who you are? Or for who you think you’re “supposed” to be?

Here’s why I ask that: When I was single, I bought myself more than a few pairs of unnecessary arch-aching stilettos that only went with, like, four things I owned. It was all part of my quest to be the sexiest single gal in the room. And while some shoes were absolute knock-outs, I mistakenly blew some money on styles that just weren’t me. It’s not good for your bank account, and it’s not good for your soul. I say, Buy shoes for the secure person you plan to be in your next relationship, not for the self-doubting person who may be trying to catch someone’s eye.

Picture the person you want to be in the relationship you want: Fiercely fun-loving and fabulous? Then go ahead, splurge on a killer pair of designer shoes. Are you looking for someone to hit the running path with? Ring up a pair of sneakers with rocket technology in the soles. Do you dream of walking the cobblestones of San Telmo in Buenos Aires with you? Get a pair of Vans or soft leather ballet flats. The way I see it, once you find a pair of shoes you feel like your best self in, you’ll literally be walking the walk of the right relationship.

Big love,